Just a warning - This includes spoilers.

I have been a fan of Planet of the Apes since seeing a clip of one of the early films on Screen Test when I was a kid in the 70s. I was instantly in love.  I read the books of the films when I could get them (you couldn't just pick up a movie back then. There was no video available). I avidly watched the TV show and I bought merchandise. I even saw Planet of the Apes live at an event in Leeds. It was like historic battle re-enactment but with more makeup. I subscribed to the Marvel comic of the same name. I had a great ape mask with moving jaw. I was besotted and have remained so. Maybe this has something to do with why nothing since has quite come close.

Let's get the good stuff out of the way. The animation /CGI of the apes is phenomenal. They look real. The idea that humans had almost been annihilated by a deadly flu is a great plot device and better than the reason given in the original films (a plague killed cats and dogs so we brought apes in to replace them as pets and then to be servants). That's it. After that it's all down hill.

The story is riddled with holes and left me asking why, why, why through the film and long after it had ended. Forgive me but I have to get them off my chest.

This is 10 years since Rise and no humans have been seen for 2 years but there is a huge city just over the bridge. It's so close you can see it when the generator turns on the power and the lights come on. Hang on, they already had power anyway so the lights would already have been visible.

The humans come to find the dam because they only have 2 weeks power left. Hey, great forward planning people.

The man they bring, who is the only person who knows about water power, is a dick, such a badly drawn character but they need him. Then they dump him and get the power station working. Err how?

Why do apes hunt stag? Why do they kill a bear after the way they have been treated? Don't they appreciate letting wild animals live in the wild?

Why do the apes ride horses? Are these the naturally wild horses normally found in forests?

Why does Caesar's son, Blue Eyes, side with Kobo the bonobo?

When kobo and his mates get the guns they have no problem in loading them and shooting them. Kobo is such a good shot he hits Caesar easily.

When Blue Eye's goes to Caesar's house they all speak to him in English. When did he learn this? Caesar plops out the odd word now and again but surely he normally talks ape talk and sign language.

After 10 years the camcorder still has battery life and works. It wasn't looted or smashed.

Gary Oldman's character has no motivation for wanting a war.

The humans have a "Tower" that strangely seems to be all scaffolding. Ideal if you're a bunch of monkeys and want a fight.

Oldman set C4 around the tower - just above his own head. Erm that might just kill you when you detonate it. It did but it didn't kill our boring human hero who was standing there at the time.

Caesar's other half, Cornelia, is very ill and needs antibiotics. She gets them and feels right as rain by the end of the same day.

Caesar after being shot is really weak from blood loss. Never mind. Give him 2 days and he will fight like he's on meth against Kobo Bonobo.

There was more. So much more.

On top of that it's too dark and too long.


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